


Side by Side

by scatteredlogic



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: F/M, One Shot, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-20
Updated: 2010-08-20
Packaged: 2017-10-11 09:39:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/110979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scatteredlogic/pseuds/scatteredlogic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Determined not to make the same mistakes he'd made during his relationship with Lily, Severus takes a radically different approach to dealing with Hermione.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Side by Side

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my beta readers, Ginny_Weasley31 and Shiv5468. Written for Ferporcel during the 2010 sshg_exchange on LiveJournal.

Severus awoke in St Mungo's, pain screaming through his body and a tube pushed down his throat as frantic healers waved their wands and poured potions into him. On the other side of his hospital bed, Hermione Granger stood in bloodied robes, white-faced and wringing her hands, mouthing something repeatedly. He struggled to focus on the movement of her lips and realized she was muttering over and over again, "Please live."

Bewildered, he closed his eyes and slipped into unconsciousness. When he awoke again, the Dark Lord was dead, there was a permanent, livid reminder of the war emblazoned across his neck, and he owed Hermione Granger a life debt.

Three days after his release from St Mungo's, he was offered a job by Kingsley Shacklebolt, the new Minister for Magic. Kingsley sat in the dingy lounge at Spinner's End and leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees and hands loosely dangling between them.

"Security's been lax at the Ministry for years, but that's changing," Kingsley said. "There's been too many secrets kept, and it's time to clean house. I'll need someone to handle employee investigations, someone who knows how to be thorough and discreet. You can set your own hours, and you'll report only to me." He held out a long list of names to Severus. "I need to know who I can trust. Are you interested?"

Severus had been very interested. As an adult, he considered the adage "knowledge is power" to be utterly true, but he'd always been naturally curious. Even as a small child, he'd wanted to know everything. Not for any particular purpose, but simply because he'd wanted to _know_. Secrets were simply titbits of knowledge that were more difficult to acquire, which only added to their allure.

The Special Investigations Department was created with Severus as the sole employee. For two years, life knocked along moderately well until the afternoon Kingsley walked into Severus' office with Hermione Granger in tow. Kingsley spouted some tripe about increased workloads requiring more personnel, introduced Severus to his new partner, and then fled like a first year Hufflepuff being chased by a dragon.

The life debt Severus owed Granger was the reason he gave her even the smallest of chances. He accepted the situation with as much grace as he could muster, which meant he refrained from immediately hexing her out of his office. He ordered her to leave, but somewhere along the line, she'd grown up enough to stop automatically deferring to authority — he blamed Potter's influence for that — and she flatly refused. She'd also developed a surprisingly impressive foul mouth — that was definitely Weasley's influence — and told him they weren't at Hogwarts and she didn't have to take shite from him any longer.

They spent the first year of their partnership arguing over everything. He later learned there was a pool within six Ministry departments betting which of them would kill the other first and how long it would take them to do it. Arthur Weasley won 308 Galleons when the one-year anniversary passed and they were both still alive.

During the second year, they reluctantly began to adapt to the other's strengths and weaknesses. Severus learned, to his chagrin, that Hermione wrote the better report. His were good, but hers were meticulously detailed, perfectly charted and cross-referenced in coloured ink.

In turn, Hermione learned, to _her_ chagrin, that Severus conducted the better interview. She could verbally bludgeon the truth out of some people, but his years of experience in dealing with Voldemort, Dumbledore, and hundreds of trouble-making schoolchildren gave him the advantage in spotting even the smallest lie hidden amongst the truth.

Once they resigned themselves to actually working together, they made an incredibly effective investigative team. They quickly learned that the subjects of their investigations would invariably fall into the same trap: they were so afraid of _him_ that they carelessly underestimated _her_. Severus and Hermione developed a successful routine where she went in first and conducted the initial interview while he watched through an enchanted panel in the wall. After a break to let the subject stew a bit while they compared notes, he took over. Between the two of them, they left no secret uncovered, no matter how mundane.

The irony, of course, was that Severus was harbouring his own secret, and it was far from mundane. He'd fallen in love with Hermione Granger.

He'd thought Lily would be his first and only love, but feelings for Hermione had crept in while he wasn't paying attention. First, it had simply been the vague concern one feels for a co-worker. Then one afternoon, after a miserable day spent filling out rolls of parchment so they could access the Gringotts' records of a Ministry employee Severus suspected of embezzlement, she announced she'd had enough for one day and wanted a drink. She tossed his cloak to him and told him that he was buying the first round.

Her casual display of camaraderie was the beginning of a real friendship between them, and their initial outing for a drink after work became a once-a-week event, the evening selected depending on the weight of their caseload. They'd commandeer a corner table, have a drink, and play a game or two of darts — he always won, but she was becoming more of a challenge with regular practice.

It was perhaps inevitable that his feelings only deepened from that point. Her quick smiles, enthusiastic tangents during the discussions, even her silly habit of asking for one sugar in her tea and then slipping another into her cup when she thought no one was looking, all those little things piled up one onto another until the afternoon he watched through the charmed panel as she conducted an interview with a man who persisted in flirting with her. Jealousy shot through him, and he had his wand raised without a second thought, a stinging hex already forming in his mind.

That's when he knew he was a fool repeating a familiar and bitter pattern by falling in love with his best friend. Revealing his feelings always ended badly for everyone involved, and excruciating experience had taught him that there was no hope. Intelligent, lovely witches never loved men like him, and the thought of being rejected by Hermione made him physically ill.

Determined to spare them both, he thought long and hard about the mistakes he'd made with Lily, and he came to the conclusion that the only way to keep Hermione's friendship was to do everything differently. Where he'd been covetous and greedy, he would be trusting and generous. Where he'd clung desperately, he would be detached and calm. But most importantly of all, he wouldn't delude himself this time; he wouldn't mistake simple friendship for something more.

It would be a struggle, but he was used to hardship, and so he buried his feelings and did his best to ignore them. Each night as he tried to fall asleep, he reassured himself that he could be Hermione's friend but nothing more, and each night his traitorous emotions created a life with Hermione in his dreams.

~*~

Severus looked up when Hermione stormed into their office, drenched and grumbling under her breath. She wrenched off her cloak and flung it toward the coat rack, which obligingly stretched out a wooden arm and snagged the garment in midair.

"Is it the rain that has you in such a foul mood, or is it just the prospect of facing another day as a Ministry drudge?" he asked as he scribbled a note on the file in front of him.

Frowning, she sat at her desk and pulled back her wet hair, twisting it into a ponytail. An irritated tap of her wand held it in place.

"Between my mother and Molly Weasley, I had a miserable weekend," she said. "They've been colluding behind my back."

He raised an eyebrow in silent inquiry.

"My mother set me up on a blind date," Hermione made a low sound of disgust, "and she chose the most boring man she could find. He was an insurance salesman, and he spent the entire evening rambling on and on about the different types of life insurance until my eyes glazed over. I think I actually dozed off for a minute when he started referencing actuary tables."

"As I recall, you did ask your mother, Mrs Potter and Miss Lovegood to introduce you to eligible men," Severus said.

It was a constant source of misery for him. Almost two months ago, Hermione had confided that she'd asked the three women to help her find a suitable companion. "I don't necessarily want to get married," Hermione had said, "but I don't want to spend all of my time alone, either."

Each Monday morning since, Severus had been treated to a description of the failed date that occurred the weekend before. One had been too sports-oriented, another too vacuous, and yet another was only interested in immediate marriage, and now this one had been too boring. Severus had recently began having a recurring nightmare where he jumped up and cried, "Why not me?" while Hermione stared at him and then laughed.

"Yes, I asked them to introduce me to eligible men, but my mother and Molly had something else in mind. Saturday's boring blind date was all part of their master plan. It was the set-up for Sunday's dinner at the Burrow. That's where the _real_ pay-off was supposed to happen."

Severus stopped pretending to find the file on his desk interesting and settled back in his chair to listen.

"During dinner, Molly sang Ron's praises," Hermione said. "That's understandable, really. He's her son, and she's proud of her children. Of course, Ron adored all the attention, but then he started talking about all the fun times we used to have together. Fun times..." Her voice trailed away, then she shook her head, her expression sour. "I don't remember them as 'fun times', but that's another story. Anyway, Molly asked if I was involved with anyone, and when I said no, she said that was _such_ a shame, especially as I'm not getting any younger, but how _lucky_ I was that Ron had stopped seeing Hannah. Even Ron had the good sense to look embarrassed over that."

Severus snorted, then rubbed a hand over his mouth to conceal his smile when Hermione glared at him.

"It's not funny," she snapped.

"Not to _you_." He stopped hiding his smile. "And I thought Weasley was seeing one of the Patil twins. I seem to remember you mentioning it a few months ago."

"Parvati," Hermione nodded, "but that didn't work out."

"Neither did _your_ relationship with Weasley," he said.

"Oh, Molly had that covered, too. After dinner, she asked me to help her clear the table, and once I was cornered, she pointed out that Ron and I were only 19 when we split up, that we've both grown up since then, et cetera, et cetera."

Severus' smile faded. It made his stomach churn to think of Hermione dating but he reminded himself that possessiveness and jealousy only caused Very Bad Things to happen.

"As reluctant as I am to agree with Molly about anything, she has a point," he said. "People change. Perhaps—"

"No," Hermione interrupted. "It's not possible. I tried once, and I can't do it again."

"Can't? What makes you so adamant?" He cursed himself immediately for asking. He tried to refrain from asking too many questions. It was fine if she volunteered information, but too many questions could lead to speculation about the nature of his interest.

Hermione was silent long enough that Severus shook his head and said, "Never mind. It's none of my business."

"It's not that," she said quickly. "It's just that I've never told anyone the real reason I split up with Ron."

His natural curiosity overcame his determination. This was a secret, and he liked few things more than knowing a secret.

"Not even Weasley?" Severus turned his chair to face her and leaned forward.

"Not even Ron, and you can't tell anyone," she warned.

He nodded his agreement, and she turned her chair toward his and matched his posture.

"The real reason is because I can never completely trust Ron again," she said.

Severus went cold. Had the idiot cheated on Hermione? If so, he'd see to it that Weasley had an uncomfortable future ahead of him, no matter how long ago the infidelity had occurred. There were darker potions that would take care of an infidelity problem permanently. No libido, no penis, no problem.

He cleared his throat and forced himself to sound casual. "I know Weasley can be a dunderhead, but what did he do that rendered him so untrustworthy?"

There was a pinched look between Hermione's eyes and around her mouth. Whatever had happened, she considered it serious.

"When we were searching for horcruxes, Ron abandoned us in the Forest of Dean," she said. "He walked away and left me and Harry there alone. The three of us had started wearing that locket horcrux to make certain it wasn't lost or stolen, and we had to wear it in shifts because it made us feel and act so horribly. It made us angry all the time, but it also brought out the worst qualities in each of us. I was shrill and obnoxious, and Harry was self-pitying and indecisive, but Ron was so selfish that he abandoned us because he was hungry and tired. He was gone for _weeks_. Once the effects began to diminish, he came back, but that didn't change the fact that he'd left us in the first place."

Anger at Ron Weasley for Hermione's sake swept through Severus, but he forced himself to say calmly, "I'm surprised Weasley survived your wrath. I can't imagine you were pleased to see him when he returned."

"I was furious," she said, "but I was so relieved that Harry and I weren't alone anymore that I ignored it. But after the war, I started to think about it again, and I realized that... _thing_... only used what was already there. It didn't create those bad qualities in us; it only brought them to the surface. I _can_ be shrill and obnoxious, and Harry _can_ be self-pitying and indecisive. But I'd never understood that Ron's selfishness ran so deep that he'd abandon people he claimed to love. Once I saw it, I couldn't _un_see it, no matter how hard I tried. That's why I can't be involved with Ron again except as a friend. I want a man I can depend on. Someone who'll be at my side no matter what, and that isn't Ron."

Hermione looked into his eyes, and for an instant, the serious expression on her face seemed to be replaced by one of longing, and his heart leapt into his throat. Then he jerked back, straightening in his chair and turning back to face his desk. He was only seeing what he wanted to see, and that was dangerous.

Hermione's brow furrowed, and before Severus could say anything, a file folder wiggled its way through the mail slot. The folder flapped its manila wings and circled the room before hovering briefly over Severus' desk. The folder shuddered visibly, made an abrupt turn and landed with a plop on Hermione's desk. She glared at it, then shot him an exasperated look.

"What do you do to the files that intimidates them so?" Hermione asked. "They always land over here, and I end up with stacks of them on my desk."

Grateful for the interruption, Severus made a show of looking from the organized chaos of her desk to the neat surface of his own and shrugged with a slight smirk. "If my mere presence intimidates them, the Ministry should purchase sturdier stock."

She snorted. "I think you go into the supply closet at night and hex them."

"You're an investigator. Prove it," he said, but his tone was mild.

She just rolled her eyes and opened the folder. "Patrick Pittlethorpe," she read aloud. "Auror Applicant. They want a full background check. I'm almost finished with the Morrowman report, and we can't complete the investigation on Alexander Castlemont until we get his medical history from St Mungo's. We could begin the preliminary paperwork on Pittlethorpe this morning and then start lining up interviews this afternoon."

Severus nodded his agreement. "Do you want to contact Mr Pittlethorpe to set up the initial interview, or shall I?"

~*~

At the end of the business day, Severus pulled their office door closed behind them, and with practiced movements, they both cast locking wards. Neither kept anything of value in their office, but they disliked the thought of someone rummaging through their things, and the war had proven that no place, especially not the Ministry, was safe from break in.

They walked toward the bank of Floos together, and Severus unobtrusively slid his forefinger beneath his collar to relieve the pressure on his neck. The constant rubbing of fabric against his scar was irritating. While it was a small price to pay for his life, it was still an annoyance.

The small movement drew Hermione's attention. "Is that bothering you again? I thought your tailor altered the neck of your robes?"

"He did," Severus said, "but to alleviate the problem completely, the fit would have to be considerably looser than I prefer."

The Atrium was crowded with tired workers, grateful that their Monday was over and who wanted nothing more than to go home. Severus and Hermione made their way toward the Number 7 Floo.

A considering expression on her face, she said, "Part of the problem is that our office is so narrow. We have to keep our desks next to each other, and like now, even when we're walking together, you have to turn your head to have a conversation because you're always beside me."

They reached the queue and stopped. Hermione smiled up at him, and it occurred to Severus that she'd placed an odd emphasis on the words, but he was suddenly jostled from behind. He whirled to see a balding wizard levitating a large potted Flutterby bush. The bush shivered and shook, its leaves waving wildly.

"Sorry. Sorry," the wizard muttered with an apologetic smile. "The thing gets away from me."

Severus turned back to Hermione, who was glaring daggers at the hapless wizard as he navigated the bush through the crowd.

"Is something wrong?" Severus asked her.

Her answering smile was tight, but she shook her head.

Severus went over her last words and seized on the first thing he could remember that might have disturbed her. "If you want, we'll talk to Kingsley about moving to a larger office," he said. "You're right; we could use the extra space."

Hermione stared at him for a long moment, then nodded, her smile rueful.

"That's a good idea," she finally said. "We'll do that tomorrow.'

~*~

That evening, Severus ate dinner and after cleaning up in the kitchen, he went into the lounge and settled into his chair to finish the Muggle mystery he'd been reading. The Wizarding Wireless Network was airing a chat show, and the drone of a discussion about what the fashionable witch would be wearing next season faded into the background as he became absorbed in his book.

A knock on the door interrupted his reading, and his head came up, eyes narrowed. He didn't usually have visitors, and while the war had been over for five years, there were those who still held a grudge. He went to the door, holding his wand in one hand while he moved the curtain aside with the other, and peeked out.

Hermione stood outside.

Puzzled, he lowered his wand and opened the door.

Her smile was nervous, and she blurted out, "Severus, if I did something very stupid, would you still be my friend?"

Without a word, he reached out, pulled her into the house and closed the door. In his experience, 'very stupid' could encompass anything from minor arguments to murder. If it was a minor argument, being seen on his doorstep wouldn't matter. If it was murder, the longer she stood there, the less time they had to concoct her alibi and dispose of a body.

"Is everything all right?" he asked, ushering her into the tiny lounge. "Is there some emergency?"

"There's no emergency," she said, but she was repeatedly pleating the folds of her cloak with her fingers. "I just need your advice."

His advice? What could she possibly need that wouldn't wait until she saw him at work the next morning?

"Would you like a cup of tea? You seem anxious," he said.

Her expression was one of pure gratitude. "Tea would be lovely, thank you."

"Throw your cloak over the back of the chair," he said and gestured at the bookshelves lining the walls. "I trust you can amuse yourself in my absence?"

She nodded and was already drifting toward the shelves as he went into the kitchen.

When he returned with the tea tray, she was flipping through his copy of _All About Armadillo Bile_.

"It's outdated," he said, nodding toward the book in her hands, "but if you're interested, I have a more recent copy."

"No. Thank you, though," she said and put the volume back on the shelf.

He placed the tray on the table in front of the sofa, and when she was seated, he sat beside her and poured two cups of tea. He took his plain, but he put two sugars into her cup.

She took her cup from him and said, "I need you to let me finish talking before you say anything."

His eyebrows shot up, but he nodded.

She cleared her throat and turned toward him on the sofa. "I stupidly took Ginny's advice — which ironically enough was my own advice from years ago — to start dating and try to relax, but it didn't work. Nor did the next round of advice, which was to drop subtle hints, but because I was afraid of being too obvious, I think I went too far in the other direction." She shook her head. "Or possibly, I'm very bad at hinting. Anyway, I've finally decided to be an adult about it. I should have talked to you months ago, but I kept losing my nerve. I've just been so afraid of taking a chance..."

She took a deep breath before continuing. "You see, I work with a man I've come to care for very much. In fact, he's my partner, and I don't want to risk our working relationship or our friendship by putting him on the spot. If he's not interested in me romantically, then I'm afraid that talking to him about it would make things difficult between us, but I don't know how to find out without actually telling him."

Stunned, Severus realized that he was gaping at her, but he couldn't seem to stop.

"He's very intelligent and brave, and he's wickedly funny when he wants to be." She lifted her cup in a salute, and her hand was trembling. "He knows exactly how I take my tea. He listens to me complain, and while he doesn't hesitate to tell me when he thinks I'm full of shite, he also tells me when he thinks I'm right. But most importantly, he's always at my side," she gestured to them sitting side-by-side on the sofa, "and I know I can always depend on him to be there."

Finally what she'd been trying to tell him outside the Ministry Floo became clear. A wave of sheer panic swamped him as he realized the magnitude of the risk involved in this. It could destroy their friendship, and while he loved her, he didn't want to chance losing her completely. He was rubbish at any sort of a relationship. People _hated_ him, didn't she know that? He was awkward, and he always said the wrong thing. He'd muck it up, and when she left, it would be all his fault, and then he'd be alone again.

"I know this man," he forced out. "He's not had much experience in romantic relationships. I expect he'd be a terrible disappointment to you."

Her face fell, and she blinked rapidly for a moment before saying faintly, "I see." She placed her cup on the table and stood. "Thank you for the tea, and the... the advice. I'll be going now, and I'll see you at work in the morning."

She snatched up her cloak, and with each step she took toward the door, the dreams he'd so carefully buried tried to fight their way to the surface, waging war with his fears.

He watched her, an odd ringing in his ears, and the thought _she's leaving_ looped through his mind, keeping time with his heartbeat.

Her hand was on the doorknob when those long buried hopes finally broke free.

She was _leaving_, and if he didn't take this chance, then he was the biggest fool on the planet.

He shot to his feet. "Hermione!"

She turned toward him, and he was across the room in three long strides. All the words he'd ever learned abruptly deserted him, and all he could do was pull her into his arms. Their noses bumped, and they struggled to find the right angle, but finally — _finally_ — they were kissing. Her tongue was in his mouth and her breasts were pressed against his chest, and every bit of blood in his brain went southward in a dizzying rush.

Slowly, they broke apart, and he felt a smug, masculine pride at discovering he wasn't the only one breathing faster.

Her smile lit up his dingy lounge. "So you've decided that you're interested, after all?"

"I never said I wasn't," he protested, and he couldn't help but smile back at her.

"But you said—" she started.

"You know my history," he interrupted, sobering. "I don't want you to be hurt, and I don't want to lose you."

"You won't," she said softly. She leaned forward, resting her cheek against on his chest. "Just stay with me, Severus, and everything will be all right."

"I promise," he swore, and he tightened his arms around her. "No matter what happens, I'll stay right by your side."


End file.
